Lipstick Lesbian?
Dec 09, 2007
Lesbian chic is far from over, yet the ones you meet on a daily basis are as freckled and human as the rest of us. Where does television find all those slender, well-dressed, long-haired lipstick lesbians? Los Angeles is said to be full of them, but they could glamorously appear anywhere, even in your bathroom mirror! With motivation, money in the bank and a flexible employer, you too could be a lipstick lesbian! Follow these steps to become a lipstick lesbian: Difficulty: Easy - Lipstick
- Grooming equipment
- Killer femme wardrobe
- Cell phone to call for car service
- Attitude
2 Step TwoBe thin, or get that way fast. Lipstick lesbians are notoriously size-ist, primarily about themselves. Exercise, diet, drug, lipo or surgically get yourself to a willowy silhouette. 3 Step ThreeBe young or young looking. Lipstick lesbians come young, and old, so long as they look like the image of youth and attractiveness. Facials, conditioning packs, moisturizing daily and avoiding the sun will help preserve your lipstick lesbian package. 4 Step FourGroom yourself to within an inch of your life; get regular manicures, pedicures, body and facial waxing, brow tweezing, highlighting, haircuts and seaweed wraps. If God is in the details, be a goddess. 5 Step FiveUse makeup daily, during all your waking hours, and maybe during sleep (if you sleep with someone else). Lipstick lesbians always look their best, even during earthquakes, fire drills and shattering breakups. 6 Step SixNever change a tire again. Lipstick lesbians are adamantine, and capable as the next dyke, but never have to prove it. Call a towing service and keep your nails nice. 7 Step SevenIt’s all in the attitude. A lipstick lesbian doesn’t want to be beautiful, she is beautiful. She’s capable, intelligent, literate and has good posture (except that lesbian on television who is always slouching—but she’s not a real lipstick lesbian). Repeat after me, “I am a lipstick lesbian, hear me roar.” - Becoming a lipstick lesbian takes dedication to the lifestyle; don’t take lipstick lesbianhood lightly, body waxing is painful and expensive, and the lipstick costs alone could up your monthly budget significantly.
- Being tall is helpful to achieving the thin, languorous lesbian look, but being short is OK too, so long as you are proportionally small.
- Get makeup advice from a professional if you’re not an expert yourself. Cruise the makeup counters for a woman with the look you want, and have her make you over—go for natural, only better, but also get an “out on the town” look in your makeup bag of tricks for special occasions.
- If you must use laboring skills, do it out of the public eye. Lipstick lesbian attitude is hard to maintain when you’re digging a ditch, fixing a fence or snaking a toilet. No one should have to see you that way.
- Being a lipstick lesbian doesn’t mean having to date a polar opposite—though that can be fun. Lipstick lesbian couples make quite a sight, can share makeup tips, and will understand the need for frequent salon appointments.
- Lipstick lesbian duos will frequently be accosted by heterosexual men sure that they are dating to please him. Ignore the bozos—or conversely, toy with them and leave them begging for more.
- Toying with bozos can be hazardous to your health; some bozos are packing weapons, in need of anti-psychotics, have serious issues from past relationships or simply have a hate-on for women.
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